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what did you expect to happen?

by maggot museum

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1.
moving trucks on narrow streets, broken luck and fucked up circumstances moving out like moving in but in reverse, like you are not my friend this time two beers in the fridge we never drank and soup left in the freezer this isn't how I thought that we would leave here, this is my worst fear I don't know what better is I don't know how to forgive I'm sorry and I'm angry too I don't know what to say to you that you would listen to slept on couches for a month, dumb in the wake of god knows what that was it doesn't matter now over analyze and close your eyes play on repeat that futile scratching at the concrete get your shit together piece by piece find places for the blame until it makes sense my mirror broke, I broke much more, I found a knife left on my bedroom floor you laughed at me with such disdain, erase a friendship in one single frame I don't know what better is I don't know how to forgive I'm sorry and I'm angry too I don't know what to say to you that you would listen to
2.
don't come around I'll burn it down and feel clean and new don't want to lose - but I can choose and I don't want to need you an inch too far, eat your heart out don't know who you are, please get out don't look at me like there's a chasm that we cannot breach the words we need will always be just slightly out of reach cut me deep, eat your heart out don't know who you are, please get out friends in concept but not in practice you had a selfish streak, oh I am one to speak you wanted what you wanted from me I wanted what I wanted from you I'm having trouble accepting that that's the best we could possibly do something stupid starts the waterfall of who hurt who you cannot face any trace that maybe it was you hate yourself, but eat your heart out don't know who you are, please get out friends in concept but not in practice you had a selfish streak, oh I am one to speak you wanted what you wanted from me I wanted what I wanted from you I'm having trouble accepting that that's the best we could possibly do
3.
what exactly were you hoping for? is that a word you know, do you need to know more? do you hang on til it all comes down and self destructs around you slowly? what did I have to gain? "I hope that you suck less someday" gotta have that final blow to cover up my own blunt shame or was it pain, what did you want from me? voice of reason pleading guilty you won't understand, you won't understand, you won't understand me you won't understand, you won't understand, you won't get the bad parts of me it's seventeen degrees and you don't care about me but there are people who do, there are people who do it's seventeen degrees and you don't care about me I was cold to you, I was cold to you quiet island of two AM your face in the dark, the things you said to me honesty or fallacy it felt like such a home to me home is where you run away from codependent variations on a theme a learned routine another chance at self sabotage it's seventeen degrees and you don't care about me but there are people who do, there are people who do it's seventeen degrees and you don't care about me I was cold to you, I was cold to you

about

I start writing songs thinking I'm writing about other people and then it turns out I'm mostly writing about myself.

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when I was six we got our dog from the shelter
we didn't know what she'd been through, before we found her
she thought everyone was going to hurt her
so she ran, and hid

credits

released February 20, 2019

special thanks to my bandmates Zach and Kenna over at Anxiety Sludge, my therapist, and the Affordable Care Act

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maggot museum Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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